Oh my, what a month November was!
I guess the headline of the month is “Morgan, Fired!”
It all started on an unsuspecting Thursday. I was planning on going into work later in the morning and staying late for a work event. I sipped coffee, I read the paper, I even made myself breakfast. I met John downtown and we went shopping for gym clothes because we had decided that our shabby, hole-y gym clothes were embarrassing. I even bought a new glittery dress, to wear to my work party and John’s work party.
When I got to work, and was setting my bags of freshly purchased clothes down, I was asked into a meeting. I walked in the meeting room and I suddenly remembered that this was the room that I was interviewed in. But the interview had been in June and it had been sunny outside then. This day was grey, with a light drizzle and you could barely see the shipping containers in the distance. Then I realized that an HR person was in the room. And then everything became fuzzy and moved very slowly.
About a half an hour later I cried in the Lyft home. My driver gave me some really good advice and a long hug. Sometimes humanity can be so cool.
I was incredibly unhappy there, but I was trying to stick it out and figure out how to make things better. I was exhausted, worn down, and constantly stressed, because deep down, I knew I could get fired. More than any job I’ve ever had, this job was the most tumultuous and baffling. I won’t go into specifics, mostly because I don’t want to be sour grapes about this, but there were things I could have done better, and there were things that were entirely out of my control. I wish almost every person at the company luck, and I’m grateful that I had a chance to work with such a great bunch of people.
More than anything, I felt embarrassed. I had suddenly left my last job in the summer, hoping this new job would be better. I worried if the people I had just worked with wondered if I deserved to be let go. And I was also working one floor above another old job, and the mean people still working there were bound to notice that I was fired. I was also embarrassed because, like always, I had given it my absolute all. And that wasn’t good enough for them.
And I’m feeling sad. I’m not depressed or dramatic or anything, but there are good days and bad days, kind of like a dark and stormy mood where I think I’m completely horrible, and then a ray of sunshine where I know everything will work out for the best. It doesn’t help that this is the darkest, rainiest month in Seattle! FIRED. It’s a big deal for me. Plus, I was just getting my life together. I had paid off my debt and was planning vacations and bigger monetary splurges I would have never considered before. I had spent the year donating to charity and volunteering. I was a good person! Why did this happen to me?
Somehow, I’ve managed to make the very best of my situation. Those gym classes I’d been dying to try? I’ve tried them all! The stack of books that were collecting dust? I’ve finished 2! The ever-expanding Netflix queue? I’ve really enjoyed some of those movies! I’ve taken long walks, long baths, and met friends for lunch and brunch. I didn’t know how tightly I was wound until I watched myself unwind. I’ve even heard back from a couple job applications already!
I have a decent rainy day savings, just for something like this. There was a little severance, I get unemployment, and I even got a surprise check in the mail from some concerned grandparents. Even if I don’t find something until after the holidays, I’ll be more than ok. Maybe I even needed this reality check.
Other things that happened this month…
John and I kicked off the month enjoying incredibly gorgeous views while eating super tasty French food.
As part of John’s monthly treat, we went to see Mike Birbiglia at The Moore. It was my first comedy show and even though we were seated in the nose bleeds, it was so funny and we both had a great time.
Seattle elected a lesbian mayor! And the world is rising up against disgusting men! And journalists are kicking butt and taking names! Finally, after so many months of torturous news, I feel like we’re getting to a much better place.
John took me on a date to see the new Thor at the Cinerama!
John and I took a brief detour from picking up the kids to an old, rickety antique mall in the middle of nowhere Washington and I made a great little find that I’m working on and going to sell on Craigslist.
I’ve been cooking much more than normal and so far nothing has tasted bad!
Gabriel’s 12th birthday weekend involved Katsu burger for lunch, a four course dinner that John prepared, and a puzzle room adventure that we kind of epically failed at. Plus, they discovered the slo mo feature on my iPhone and had hours of fun.
There are a few things in December that I’m looking forward to, but mostly I’m just taking every day at a time and setting little goals for myself.
The only thing I know right now is that this is a test of my character.
I’m working my hardest to handle the situation with as much grace as I can muster.