My Status

IMG_4624 If I’m being honest, I considered writing a blog post about John & I getting back together several times but I stopped myself each time. Because:

  1. It’s not an easy thing to explain. It’s messy and complicated and flawed.
  2. It’s my life and I get to choose what I share and what I don’t share.
  3. The people who care about me already know.

It was brought to my attention yesterday that people have been talking about my life/relationship when I’m not there, which always has and always will make me uncomfortable. The argument is that I shared all the details on my blog, which I really didn’t. They also said that I painted John as a jerk in the blog post, which I really didn’t, but my sentiment might’ve come across all the same. Right after we broke up, I naturally blamed him for a lot of our problems, without looking inwardly. In our actual time apart (almost 2 months) I was able to really take a look at my actions and when I did, I was embarrassed. There was a lot of issues that stemmed from MY behavior. Have I resolved all of them? God no! But, I’m aware of them. And I’m working on them. He’s working on his too. We’ve both made an incredible amount of improvement. Do I hate that we were apart? Yes. But it made us better people.

So writing things like, “Do you think you’ll get back together? Honestly, yes, part of me really hopes so” and “He loved me an incredible lot. He made me feel beautiful without makeup and loved pieces of me that I hated. He was patient with my anxiety and neurosis and learned to deal with my jealousy like a champ. In some ways, we were a great team, a perfect pairing and anyone who saw us together just got that. We were on the same wavelength, worked at the same cadence, and that’s so rare for me to find. Even in the middle of a fight, we were able to make each other laugh” should’ve made it clear to all readers that I was not 100% done with our relationship and that I really, truly loved him.

We live together now, in a small house. We are imperfect, we are happy, we are flawed, we are partners, we are complicated, we are in love.

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