I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot lately (hm, I wonder why) and doing a lot of soul searching on my most recent one. Well, if I’m being honest, I’m not soul searching as much as replaying the same bits over and over again in my head.
I thought it would help to read someone else’s perspective on love, and I absolutely found that in “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” by Anouchka Grose. It’s a snarky, funny read written about a topic that’s pretty… depressing. Every page begs the question, “What is the point of falling in love?” She brings up some great ideas that struck me, hopefully you might find them interesting too!
-Attachment is self-seeking, which means we are looking to another person to fulfill needs that we are perfectly capable of on our own. Someone we’ve all come to the conclusion that we need someone to “fill” our missing pieces (ever heard the phrase ‘you complete me’?) which is impossible.
-Romantic trysts began with aristocrats and was seen as more romantic the more “secret” it was, with lots of sneaking around involved. Obstacles are the point in romantic love. (Maybe why romantic comedies end at Happily Ever After?)
-Freud had a theory that man and women have a deep-rooted compulsion to repeat bad relationships because we choose partners that upset us in familiar ways. Why do we do this? 1. We may want to prove the same thing to ourselves each time it happens (I’m so wonderful/I’m so awful). 2. We may want to make it different this time, change what we could not in the past.
-There’s 3 theories on crying. (Ps: humans are the only known mammal who cries for emotional reasons) 1. The chemistry of emotional tears is different than stubbed toe or allergy tears. Perhaps we cry to release these chemicals out of our body to feel better. 2. Crying makes you feel physically worse. So perhaps we cry to make ourselves feel worse so that when we stop crying we “feel better”. (Scary thought) And 3. We cry because we want people to help us, we want something from someone. This doesn’t explain crying alone, but it does explain when people publicly cry.
-Many stalkers tend to stalk people who were nice to them at a moment of weakness. This person has answered a need without having to be asked, and they are rewarded with cruel letters and phone calls.
-Brain scans of lovers in a state of infatuation match brain scans of those plagued with OCD
-Babies are born helpless and need several years of care. In order to deal with these years of need, the neurotransmitters released in breast-feeding from the mother and the baby match the ones in sexual love.
-A study in Britain found that every 2:42 a couple gets married and every 3:24 a couple gets divorced. 41% are first time marriages, 59% are remarriages. 60% of men cheat and 40% of women cheat. The average cost of a British wedding is 16,000 pounds.
-Until the 90’s, everyone thought gibbons were the one species that was unfailing loyal, until genetic testing proved quite the opposite. Female gibbons chases off other females to defend their food and semen supply, while man gibbons don’t mind being controlled because they get to eat and breed as they please.
Like I said, pretty depressing. I kept waiting for a conclusion, some idea of what she personally got out of all this research, but got no answers. The book was simply a way for her to find out the facts, process it, and then fall in love anyway. A pretty interesting conclusion all in its own, if you ask me!