I’m not really quite sure how to take it when people say “How ARE you?” and look at you meaningfully and uncomfortably, as if you’re about to burst into tears on the spot. (Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who have NOT asked me this question or just avoided me altogether. The people who came out the woodwork and supported me? They are epically amazing and I’m so lucky for them.)
So, ok guys, I’m OK. I’m FINE.
Also, a lot of people have said they I seem better than they expected. I’m not really sure how I was supposed to take that either. “Thanks! I know, I’m totally having a good hair day, right?”
Something I didn’t expect was so many wonderful people reaching out. I went and got sushi, I had pizza and rose at home, I brunched on French food, I took a barre class and I’m going on a hike this weekend. In some ways, I was overwhelmed by this, because my first instinct was to want to be alone, but I was so rewarded being in the presence of such wonderful people who support and encourage me. And when I talk, they listen.
Like all things that I do, I made a list. A list of all the things I wanted to do more of, now that I’m on my own. And, the overachiever I am, I’ve accomplished a LOT of them and am continuing to check more things off of the list.
First things first, fresh flowers everywhere! (the more beautiful the scent, the better!)
Stick my nose in a good book. Dear lord, I’ve probably spent about $200 on books in the past month. Books make me happy when I’m feeling sad and I just happened to stumble upon an amazing selection of books to get me through this rough time!
Make the apartment all my own. More pictures to come, I promise, but my apartment already feels like home to me. I’ve even put a little love into it by repainting the trim white. In the past 6 years of renting, I’ve never once bothered to put a speck of paint on the walls! (and trust me, some of them really needed it)
Treat myself. A few months ago, I didn’t bother much with curling my hair or putting a mask on or painting my nails. I think it was because I didn’t want the other person to think I was “silly” for those things. I gave myself the most silly, girly PINK manicure and even bought myself this tiny ring as a reminder that I need to love myself first, before anyone can love me.
Spending time with the kitties. As much as a move stresses me out, it stresses them out even more. They have severe abandonment issues and assume that I will be packing up and leaving them behind. It’s so sad to see, but they also seem to be acclimating to this move better than before. I think it might have something to do with the huge windows and little birds that like to hang out in the trees in front of them!
Taking it slow. I have forced myself to lay on the couch and watch a movie. I sit and watch my coffee drip through the Chemex in the morning. I’ve even taken a couple baths! My body has gone through enough stress lately. If I have the time, I’m trying to take advantage of a quiet time to remain calm.
Take walks and be in nature. I have walked SO much more in the past few weeks than before. The city has also been kissed by spring weather early and one weekend I was even able to lay in a park, reading my favorite magazine… in a sundress! (happy dance)
My list also includes visiting sunny places (coming soon), cook new things (let me tell you about my amazing sauteed mushrooms…), light scented candles (I even got one as a housewarming gift!) and play my violin more (alright, I haven’t gotten to this one yet). I’m staying busy, but also not pushing myself too hard. I’m giving myself a break because goshdarnnit I deserve one!