Ever since I’ve gotten back from California, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. It was rough to return to full on winter weather, and harder to fit a month of work into 3 weeks. Every night, instead of venturing out and doing new things, I’ve stayed cooped up at home, bored and anxious. Yesterday was a bit of a break through for me, I realized how complacent I’ve become to be stuck in this loop of nothingness.
So, of course, I made a list. I decided that I was going to start checking things off this list, whether I liked it or not! I also want to go back to doing new things. It’s hard to make that decision, when the person you want most to come with you would much rather spend his time at home. But I’ll go, and I’ll do new things, just like I’ve always done. I’ll be able to come home and tell him all about it.
I have to tell you how thankful I am to be with this man. In the beginning, I woke up every day wondering if I would just stop being in love with him, or worse, he would fall out of love with me. What I’ve found? It takes a lot of work! More work than I ever thought. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’ve also managed to surprise myself. I can honestly say, I am a good, loyal girlfriend. We’ve had to overcome a lot. I’ve had to face a lot of insecurities and he’s had to resolve issues that he had previously opted to ignore. It’s work, and every day you have to wake up and keep trying, but I think every second of it is worth it. He’s welcomed me into his life and his family and I love him.
I love these crazy people. My two best friends. They make me laugh. They drive me crazy. They finish my sentences. I think we’ve finally gotten to the point in our adult lives where we just accept that we are who we are and we can’t change anyone, so we just accept everything. I do hope that someday I can have friendships that are this level of comfort and support, but for now I’ll just keep working on getting Brenna to move to Seattle!
It may sound silly, but I am gosh darn grateful for this apartment. I’ve lived in buildings with rats, flooding and fleas… so I know my standards are low. But the beautiful wooden floors, beams and paneling are gorgeous. The extra bedroom is a haven for the kids. The pink bathroom is adorable. Sure, it’s old and will never look spotless, and the kitchen could use a lot of love. But it’s our place and sometimes it amazes me to realize just how much this feels like home.
I am thankful for this city. Thinking back to April of 2012, just two and a half years ago, I came to Seattle with one suitcase of clothes. I had no place to live, no money and not a lot of confidence. It’s not to say that every experience has been great, but living here has given me a much-needed chance to start over. While I haven’t always been lucky in jobs, I’ve somehow doubled my working salary and finally found myself in an industry that I feel passionate about. Of course, I fell in love, but I’ve met so many wonderful people, characters who mean a lot to me. I’ve explored so many nooks and crannies of the city that at this point, I feel like a native. While I’ll always be from California, this is my city now. I’ve adopted it, and it’s welcomed me in.