I’d wanted to make the long trek to West Seattle for a while now. This weekend I finally braved the hour and a half bus trip and explored a little. I stopped in an antique mall, I ate fish and chips, I browsed through records, I walked in the sun. Altogether, it was a very successful day and another to-do I can check off!
On a sadder note, I found out today that I will have to wait even longer for my things in California. And I might’ve hysterically cried for an embarrassingly long time when I found out. The thing that’s hard to understand is that I’ve been living out of a suitcase (well technically a suitcase and a duffel bag) for almost 9 months. Which would be great and glamorous if I were say, backpacking across Europe… but I’m definitely not. I don’t even have a bathing suit. I don’t have shorts. Any summertime clothes that I own I’ve had to buy, because when I packed my things, I was convinced that I was going to be gone for TWO WEEKS. I have been living off of TWO WEEKS of clothes for NINE MONTHS. And now that I’ve moved into my new place I don’t have dishes. Or blankets. Or chairs. Or the silly things that make me happy like my books and movies.
I kick myself for not going and getting my things for myself when I had the time, because again I realize that I really have to do everything for myself. I can’t depend on anyone to help me. And God, I get so upset every time something like this happens. It’s one of my great mysterious qualities… I can be disappointed by the same circumstance or person a million different times and still feel that sting like it was the first time. And the flip side to this situation is the sting that I had only packed two weeks worth of clothes for a reason… I was going to have a job in LA. My life in LA was all planned out… which is why my things were temporarily stored in a garage. It’s just another slap in the face that my life has turned out so differently than I’ve ever dreamed. In many ways, my life is perfect just the way it is, but it’s so hard not to compare it to the life I had worked so hard for.
All I know is that I want my things. And I have no idea when I’ll be able to have them.