It’s Just Dinner, Darling

In so few words, in the last few weeks I’ve been humbled.

Repeatedly.

Forcefully.

Embarrassingly.

I think I got a little too cocky for a while. Here I was, moving to a new city and I felt like I had everything wrapped around my finger. I’m living in a beautiful home with a wonderful family in one of the best neighborhoods in Seattle. I was surrounded by men, even some men who showed interest in me for the first time in YEARS (SoCal bros hardly ever glanced my direction). For a while, I felt that I had friends… or at least really fun acquaintances. I even had THREE jobs… when for a time I struggled to find ONE. I bought sassy new clothes and spent money at restaurants. I went to movies and shows and even went dancing. I was exploring new places and meeting new people.

And then… I wasn’t.

I really liked a boy, only to find out that he really didn’t like me much at all. The friends were nowhere to be found. Some of the jobs were tiring and in some ways, really, really thankless. I realized that I had messed up… big time. And now, I’m trying to figure out how to remake my life. Again.

And it’s times like these when I imagine what I really want my future to look like. I don’t want a big fancy job. I don’t need a big fancy house. A car might be nice. An apartment with lots of natural light would be wonderful. A job that pays the bills and suits my personality would be stellar. But I don’t expect much in the way of “things”. To me, love and friendship is far more important that status and dollar signs. I know that love and friendship doesn’t happen the way that I thought I had it… immediate and effortless. It takes time and I won’t have it right away in a city full of strangers. But I know it’ll come. Someday, I’ll have the dinner (or brunch) friends that I’ve always wanted. And as much as I’m excited for that time… I’m also excited about the journey of meeting each person and loving them.

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2 thoughts on “It’s Just Dinner, Darling

  1. I love your honesty. You can reflect on yourself so deeply. And I admire the way you are, because it seems as if you are absolutely yourself. You don’t hide and you don’t try to pretend to be someone you aren’t. Maybe it’s just the blog but I think you really are yourself and that’s what I struggle with.

    1. Rebecca, it means so much that you would write this comment! I’m naturally a very pessimistic person and I care too much about things… which means I over-think everything! But I do sometimes have moments of clarity when I realize what my situation is from an outside perspective and it helps! I also have a great best friend and momma that I can vent to! I think the key is just to accept that you are who you are, “flaws” and all! The people who love those flaws will be worth loving back 🙂 And I’m still waiting to find those people!

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