Such a Jerk

You probably think that I’m such a jerk.

I move to Seattle and I get an attitude.

I suddenly fall off the face of the Earth… blog-wise.

Honestly, I could give you a million and one reasons why I haven’t been online, but the truth behind all of those excuses is simple: I’m exhausted. I go to bed around 9pm. I rarely “go out”. And sadly, I really can’t manage much more than this at the moment.

This is an aerial view of my lady-like outfit on first day of work in a fancy-schmancy-sky-scraper-office-building in downtown Seattle. I’m serious. There’s a doorman and everything. My view all day is of Capitol Hill. You don’t have to dress up (after all, this is techie Seattle) but I like to. I like the sound of my heels clicking. I like to pretend that my walk to and from the bus station could be the outfit montage in The Devil Wears Prada. I like that when people look at me, they’re not thinking that I’m some 21 year old college student. They’re thinking that I’m some cool professional woman. I’m fooling everyone!

In Seattle, I stop to notice the beauty in life. I notice flowers and trees and the way the light comes through the window. I notice mountains in the distance and cute, friendly dogs. I notice people holding hands and little kids laughing. I sit down and look around. Sometimes, I feel like I’m on some sort of drug. Then I realize… I’m happy. Through the haze of tiredness, comes moments of sheer bliss. I catch myself taking deep breaths. I smile at strangers. They smile BACK. I try to make each day better than the last. I like how my life looks. I mean… I’m sort of a mess. I don’t have a car or a house or a boyfriend or… well… just about ANYthing… but I still like how my life looks. At least I have that.

I’ve completely abandoned all hope of my hair cooperating in any way. It poofs. It frizzes. It flops. I can’t even be bothered with it now. By the end of every day it becomes a frizzy, greasy, tangled mess and I just don’t care anymore. I give up!

Yes, it rains in Seattle. Yes, it makes me not want to wear my fancy clothes. But no… I don’t see myself getting tired of it.

I don’t think I would be half this happy if it weren’t for my family. Being surrounded by them as made this experience so welcoming and enjoyable. Even when I’ve had the worst day and I feel utterly defeated, I can just sit in the same room with them and feel happy. They allow me to put everything into perspective. I’m so grateful for them and yet I find myself saying “I don’t want to be a bother,” everyday. How annoying am I? I’m so so so lucky to have the family that I have.

In case you were worried about me, don’t worry, because I’ve finally found a library! It’s beautiful, quaint and very modern. I could probably spend an entire day there if I could. It took a couple of trial and error library visits in the area, but I finally found one that fits!

I’ve spent time with some really wonderful people in Seattle. Already, people have gone out of their way to invite me to things or to talk to me. God knows I need other people to make the first move, but I’ve also noticed a change in myself. I’m not as shy or concerned with what others think. I think I’m getting better at socializing. On the other hand, there’s a boy that I sit next to on the bus everyday that I can’t muster up the courage to talk to. Maybe my neurotic tendencies haven’t completely left the building.

So that’s that. There’s not much else to say at the moment! I’m happy, but I’m too tired to write about it! And I promise that I’m going to try and write some more!

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