A Healthy Dose of Self Loathing

It had become a weekly tradition of my going to bed every Sunday night feeling rotten about myself.

And this was no coincidence either… I brought it upon myself.

Why would I do this every week? Why would I bring this terrible mood upon myself? The simple answer is: I’m addicted to beauty… which is also synonymous with watching the show Pan Am. I’m sure you’ll jump down my throat when I grudgingly admit that I don’t enjoy watching Mad Men. I’m sure you’ll groan when I say that I was legitimately disappointed when The Playboy Club was canceled. But I hope you can understand that I don’t really like Pan Am either. And if it weren’t for the flawless costume design and picturesque sets, I wouldn’t watch at all.

The show is set in the 60’s and follows the glamorized and fictionalized stories of Pan Am stewardesses. That’s really all you have to know. Each character changes so much each episode and throughout the season that there’s truly no point in understanding their back story at all. There’s always some sort of “jaw-dropping” scandal each episode that is somehow tied into a neat and pretty bow at the end. Love triangles randomly evaporate and everyone seems to be a spy. That woman kissed another woman? Hm… well that’ll never really be addressed again! (By the way, why is Ashley Greene such a horrible actress? You’d think she’d invest into an acting coach after she’s earned her millions from Twilight) The girls ARE beautiful though. They wear those amazing 60’s outfits like they were made to and they really seem to have been born with that cat eyeliner already carefully applied. They’re given so many opportunities to wear fantastic gowns and sweet dresses that you hardly notice the horrible job the writers are doing. Maybe they realized that the show was doomed after the 3rd episode and just shoved as much crap into the remaining episodes, just to see what they could get away with. Trust me, they got away with a LOT. I’m pretty sure they mixed up two episodes and then attempted to revise the second one to make the first make sense.. but it didn’t. At all.

Still, I religiously watched every episode of the show, every Sunday night. It was as if I couldn’t get enough of the clothes. I would re-watch episodes online, just to get a glimpse of that beautiful satin robe or flowing green dress. Maybe they’ll attempt to bring back the show and hopefully with an entirely fresh batch of writers. And if they do, here’s what I’m really hoping for: I hope they make the show silly. Right now, the show already IS silly… but not because it’s trying to be! They strive for such a serious, historical tone to everything and it’s just not working! If they allowed for more pretty sets and clothes and less soap-opera-y intensity, I think that this show could survive a few more seasons.

For now, I just watch the episodes on mute… and gaze painfully into my own closet. Everything I own pales in comparison to the women of Pan Am and I feel so masculine and unrefined. I want to dress like every character of Pan Am (especially Colette) and adopt even an ounce of their blatant sensuality and confidence!

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