Why Do Fools

IMG_3210I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot lately (hm, I wonder why) and doing a lot of soul searching on my most recent one. Well, if I’m being honest, I’m not soul searching as much as replaying the same bits over and over again in my head.

I thought it would help to read someone else’s perspective on love, and I absolutely found that in “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” by Anouchka Grose. It’s a snarky, funny read written about a topic that’s pretty… depressing. Every page begs the question, “What is the point of falling in love?” She brings up some great ideas that struck me, hopefully you might find them interesting too!

-Attachment is self-seeking, which means we are looking to another person to fulfill needs that we are perfectly capable of on our own. Someone we’ve all come to the conclusion that we need someone to “fill” our missing pieces (ever heard the phrase ‘you complete me’?) which is impossible.

-Romantic trysts began with aristocrats and was seen as more romantic the more “secret” it was, with lots of sneaking around involved. Obstacles are the point in romantic love. (Maybe why romantic comedies end at Happily Ever After?)

-Freud had a theory that man and women have a deep-rooted compulsion to repeat bad relationships because we partners that upset us in familiar ways. Why do we do this? 1. We may want to prove the same thing to ourselves each time it happens (I’m so wonderful/I’m so awful). 2. We may want to make it different this time, change what we could not in the past.

-There’s 3 theories on crying. (Ps: humans are the only known mammal who cries for emotional reasons) 1. The chemistry of emotional tears is different than stubbed toe or allergy tears. Perhaps we cry to release these chemicals out of our body to feel better. 2. Crying makes you feel physically worse. So perhaps we cry to make ourselves feel worse so that when we stop crying we “feel better”. (Scary thought) And 3. We cry because we want people to help us, we want something from someone. This doesn’t explain crying alone, but it does explain when people publicly cry.

-Many stalkers tend to stalk people who were nice to them at a moment of weakness. This person has answered a need without having to be asked, and they are rewarded with cruel letters and phone calls.

-Brain scans of lovers in a state of infatuation match brain scans of those plagued with OCD

-Babies are born helpless and need several years of care. In order to deal with these years of need, the neurotransmitters released in breast-feeding from the mother and the baby match the ones in sexual love.

-A study in Britain found that every 2:42 a couple gets married and every 3:24 a couple gets divorced. 41% are first time marriages, 59% are remarriages. 60% of men cheat and 40% of women cheat. The average cost of a British wedding is 16,000 pounds.

-Until the 90’s, everyone thought gibbons were the one species that was unfailing loyal, until genetic testing proved quite the opposite. Female gibbons chases offer other females to defend their food and semen supply, while man gibbons don’t mind being controlled because they get to eat and breed as they please.

Like I said, pretty depressing. I kept waiting for a conclusion, some idea of what she personally got out of all this research, but got no answers. The book was simply a way for her to find out the facts, process it, and then fall in love anyway. A pretty interesting conclusion all in its own, if you ask me!

LadyBoss

I’ve been on a bit of a “I am woman, hear me roar” kick lately. I’ve been wearing pink, a color I normally despise. I’ve been watching Call the Midwife, a BBC show about the start of nursing with an almost all female cast. But I think the thing that has made the most impact is reading books written by women only. My feisty feminist side has gained so much knowledge from these smart, sexy ladies and I wanted to share some of my favorite bits with you!

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Some advice from Sophia Amoruso, the original #GIRLBOSS:

“The average American saves 6.5%of his or her income, which is barely keeping up with inflation. But you, dear #GIRLBOSS, should 10% at the bare minimum. I know it’s a lot easier to talk about saving money than it is to actually save it. Here’s a tip: Treat your savings account just like it’s another bill. It has to be paid every month, or there are consequences.”

“In business, a disproportionate amount of importance is placed on the ability to network. If you don’t thrive on going on and meeting a million people, you might end up feeling like you have less of a chance of getting ahead in your career. Also, introverts might hang back in meetings and thus not perceived as “leadership material,” even though introverted people frequently make more empathetic managers. As I’ve said before, part of the reason I started Nasty Gal was that I wanted a job where I could be myself and not have to deal with people. I wasn’t great at in-person customer service, because I can’t fake a smile to save my life, but it turned out I was really good at it electronically.”

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“From Nasty Gal’s inception, I have always viewed the business as a work in progress. I constantly tweak and move on, peeling back layers of the onion as new ones arrive. If something didn’t work- like if I put a dress up for auction and no one was bidding on it- I didn’t just assume that no one wanted it. I just tried something else.”

“A #GIRLBOSS knows where she excels and where she could use a little work, so get to know your weaknesses.”

While this wasn’t my favorite book ever, it’s definitely worth a read. I felt empowered and sexy and smart after reading it, I hope you do too!

(You can find it here or borrow it from me!)

Oh Canada

IMG_3117Oh Vancouver, you let me down.

Last weekend I finally decided to make the trip to Canada for the first time. I had gotten my passport several months ago and realized that I hadn’t been out of the country since 2005, so I knew it was time! After the painfully slow 4 hour Bolt Bus trip, the Canadian Border Patrol asked lots of (rude) questions “Are you single?” “Why are you by yourself?” “Why will you just be here for one day?” What I wanted to say? “Well officer, I’m recently single and taking this trip because my boyfriend kept making excuses not to go. Also, I’m poor and can’t stay overnight.” IMG_3120When we arrived, the bus pulled up to a pretty shady looking part of Vancouver and a drabby bus station. I decided to walk to Chinatown first, because I’d heard that it was one of the largest international neighborhoods in North America and I read in all the guide books that the Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Park would be pretty. I was surprised when I got to the park and found that it was small and run down (this is a really flattering photo) and the Chinatown was like a ghost town with bars over almost all the windows and trash blowing through the streets. I quickly decided to move onto the more popular neighborhood, Gastown.IMG_3104 The look of Gastown was really pretty, a lot like Pioneer Square in Seattle (I LOVED the look of the building above) with lots of old brick buildings, cobblestone streets and pretty street lamps. HOWEVER, the walk to Gastown was absolutely frightening, dirty and smelled like pee. I couldn’t believe the number of people on the streets who looked strung out on drugs. I was even chased by two homeless people down the street. I was thinking, “Geez, when did homeless people become so energetic?” I’m a pretty street smart person, but I legitimately felt scared of my surroundings and when I would’ve normally explored, I decided to just move onto the next neighborhood.

IMG_3105I didn’t arrive that early, but around 11:30 I was starting to get seriously hungry for lunch and no restaurants were open. I kept walking along, trying to find something and realized that I had bypassed downtown all together and was on the West End. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was so hangry at that point that I finally settled for Starbucks! I doubled back to downtown (still not finding any good restaurants that I had heard so much about were open) and paid a visit to the library. I know that might sound weird, but I have a thing for libraries. I LOVE them. This one was beautiful on the outside, almost as if the Roman Coliseum was unraveled, but the inside was pretty unimpressive. IMG_3108After going to downtown, I decided to walk to Granville Island, where I had read that you could pay for a little ferry ride, or walk over the 99 bridge. Walking was the free option, so I decided an extra mile wouldn’t hurt me… how wrong I was! The bridge actually took me at least a mile out of the way and when I had finally arrived at the island and their famous public market, it was already 2:30 and I still hadn’t eaten. I was so famished and tired (I’d walked about 7 miles at this point) that I saw a sign for Vancouver Fish Company and I plopped down in the closest seat in the pretty fancy patio area. I decided to splurge on some red wine and a steak to ease my troubles and sat there comfortably alone, reading my book and looking out on the water.

IMG_3116Even though I’d splurged on the nice meal out, I had started to feel really sick and after walking around the market for about a half an hour, I was ready to just give up on the day and go home. I accepted defeat and walked about 2 1/2 miles to the bus station where I read a magazine waited for my bus to arrive for an hour. On the way home, American Customs took an hour to pass our bus through and I ended up getting home on time, but utterly exhausted and disappointed.

Right now I say I’d never go back to Vancouver, but I know that if I had a car, the experience would’ve been better. And maybe if I had arrived later, I could’ve found more restaurants and things to do. Someone also mentioned that if I it hadn’t been raining and so overcast, the city might’ve been a lot prettier in my eyes. Overall, I wouldn’t recommend the trip to anyone, but I may give Canada another try… someday! For now, I’m at least proud of myself for going, especially going alone, and essentially walking the most of the city in one trip!

Welcome

At this point in my life, I have all the things I need to be an adult. I have a TV, a couch, a bed and a dining room table. I have a coffee table, and a set of matching dishes and a set of matching glassware, and a dresser. Of course, there are still things I want, like a mid century credenza for my TV and a simple, wooden bookshelf for my books. I’m definitely a minimalist and I firmly believe in buying things that you absolutely love. So while I don’t have much, I love what I have. IMG_3003This is my makeshift bookshelf (originally kitchen shelving) for now, and I’m actually totally ok with it. It’s able to hold my hundreds of books, which is a feat in itself. I was also able to color coordinate my books and hang my American flag, two things I wasn’t allowed to do in my last apartment.

IMG_2959 Though I’m not a fan of the sage green wall color (and am too lazy to paint it), the bathroom has really good bones with an adorable tiled floor, so it didn’t really need a lot of adornment. It’s pretty teeny, and tucked away into the back corner of the apartment, so having fresh flowers really brightens up the room. Otherwise, I hung my striped West Elm shower curtain and hung one print on the wall and the bathroom was good to go!

IMG_3001I would have to say that my dining room is my favorite room to look at. I absolutely love the color of the rug with the really simple table I bought at IKEA. I sit here every morning and watch my coffee drip and take a little moment to enjoy the sun coming up outside the window. There are a lot of plants and flowers on the table, as well as my disco ball, and my favorite painting is on the wall. Overall, I feel like this room feels the most like me.

The kitchen is very small (cozy or cramped, depends on the day), which lots of cabinets dating back to the 1920’s, most of which I don’t have any use for. Overall, I’d have to say I’m getting used to it. My preference to let dishes pile up doesn’t work in the tiny sink and the fact that you can open the oven unless you are standing almost outside the kitchen, well that’s just plain annoying. But I have to say, these glass cabinets are the perfect place to show off my decanter obsession:IMG_2955IMG_2989I have a little sheepskin rug on the bench at the end of my bed, but I decided that there’s nothing more luxurious than to wake up in the morning and the first thing you step on be soft and warm and comforting. So I found the perfect little rug just for that purpose! Otherwise though my nightstand and bed set up looks almost exactly the same as before.IMG_2994

I still haven’t recovered my couch, which is 100% silly at this point, but it does make the perfect window seat and cat napping spot and otherwise looks almost exactly the same as the last few apartments.IMG_3010The top of my dresser has become a bit of a catch all, but I’m totally ok with it! Pictured here: daffodils, a family portrait, a coin jar, Daisy perfume, billy balls, bronze bird statues, a velociraptor, a pile of rocks, a watch, a whale dish, vintage perfume bottles and the 50 Foot Woman, of course.

I’ve gotten to the point where when I move, my home looks the same, just in a different place. All the same things are there, they’re just configured differently. My new apartment is much brighter and open than my last, and quite a bit smaller, but still, when my things are in it, it feels like home.

Do Not Disturb

IMG_2883I was lucky to have won a big gift card to Hotel Max at my work holiday party and though I had hoped to use it straight away, it took me a couple days to realize that this would make for a romantic (and free!) Valentine’s Day getaway. I made the reservation and anticipated the weekend with every approaching day. At the same time, my relationship was crumbling and John wanted to cancel the reservation because he thought we would fight too much. I told him I couldn’t bear to cancel the reservation, so he did it while I cried in the shower.

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Cut to: 3 weeks later. Single as can be, I left work a few hours early on a Friday to grab my things at home and headed to the hotel. The hotel is so cool, almost too cool, and my room was beautiful with a great style. First things first, I jumped on the bed! I was giddy with excitement and knew that this was such an amazing (free) opportunity! I slipped straight away into a scorching hot bath while reading a silly magazine. I spent the rest of the night in my robe and in the king size bed reading, ordering room service (it wasn’t very great, I wouldn’t recommend the chicken) and watching The Parent Trap on TV. I felt sad, of course, and I really didn’t sleep well. In the morning, I had biscuits and jam and an orange/grapefruit mimosa delivered and then I made a terrible, terrible mistake. I chose to watch The Fault in Our Stars. I read the book, so I knew how it ended, and still I was sobbing hysterically, knowing full well that I wasn’t really just crying about this crazy sad movie. There’s this line where Augustus says, “She didn’t want a million admirers she just wanted one”. I cried so hard that I probably scared my neighbors.

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Needless to say, that was my hardest day. Peeling myself up off of the bed, wiping away my mascara and checking out (I did manage to stay within 2 dollars of the $250, which was pretty darn impressive) of the hotel was rough. Walking home was a challenge. And when I got home, I felt so, so incredibly sad. I went and laid in the sun. I watched New Girl and hoped to laugh. I did everything I could think of to cheer myself up and it just didn’t work. It wasn’t until that night, when my friend Casie came over that I could really even form coherent thoughts.

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I hate that my stay was filled with such sad memories and I’m sorry this sounds so “woe is me” but it really was a wonderful night. I’d recommend the hotel to anyone and LOVED my room. I’m actually pretty positive it’s the room featured in all the ads. If you’re looking for a great place to stay, definitely check it out!

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